Bit 5
One man's ceiling
One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
Those were the words that Ruby Less Begonia would utter
whenever anyone began grumbling about something. He'd roll
his eyes upward and say, "Honey, one man's ceiling is
another man's floor." The words, which usually had nothing
to do with what was being said, always stopped a person in
his track.
On this particular day, a visiting vacationer
at the City Scape Bar and Grill was
complaining about the fact that it had rained every day
since his arrival. "Honey," said Ruby, "One man's ceiling
is another man's floor." The man did what everybody did
when they first heard the words. He started to say
something, paused, thought a moment, and then stopped.
Slowly a spark of understanding seemed to light on his
face. "Ahhhh," he then said, "Ahhh." Ruby smiled and
turned to wipe a spill from the top of the bar.
A drunk near the end of the bar, the only other
customer, grunted loudly. "Hey, Ruby," he said, "Tell us
again why they call you Ruby Less Begonia." Ruby got a new
beer from under the bar and walked it over to the man.
"Ruby, " the drunk insisted, "Tell us why – "
Ruby, who had returned to the new guest, turned his
head and said, "Gordon, if you don't shut your hole I'm
going to put a bar mop into it." The drunk grumbled and
focused his attention on his new beer.
The visitor chuckled and Ruby smiled. "This is a nice
place," said the visitor.
"It's nice if you like mirrors," said Ruby, referring
to the fact that the whole room was mirrored from ceiling
to floor.
"Yea, what's that all about?" the visitor asked.
"It a long a dreary story, my friend," Ruby said, "The
truth of the matter is that they're here because of The
Baby."
"The baby?" .the visitor said, clearly wanting more
information.
"Yes," said Ruby, "The Baby." That's what we call the
owner of this place."
"Why the baby?" asked the tourist.
"You ever see "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?" Ruby
Less Begonia asked.
"Sure, I have," he said, "Why?"
Ruby took a deep breath and was about to say more when
a voice came crackling over an intercom next to the cash
register.
"Ruby!" squawked the voice, "Ruby!"
Ruby walked over to the register but did nothing. When
the voice repeated the words about a minute later, he made
a measured slow movement toward the intercom's respond
button. Suddenly, Ruby's hand moved sideways, knocking a
wine bottle against it the intercom. The bottle slipped to
one side and made a racket as it bounced off three other
bottles, finally coming to rest directly in front of the
device.
"What the hell is that racket, Ruby?" the voice yelled.
Ruby waited another fifteen seconds before actually
pressing the button on the Intercom. "Sorry Jean, what
were you saying?"
"I want Gordon!" yelled the voice.
At this point the man sitting near the end of the bar
let go a heavy sigh and slipped unsteadily off his stool.
"Kiwi needs to go for a walk," said the voice.
"I know!!" slurred the drunk as he began climbing a set
of stairs near the back of the room.
"Where's Gordon?" the voice called Jean hollered, "Kiwi
needs to go out now!"
Ruby, who was standing motionless in front of the
register, reached with his right had and took a bottle of
Chivas Regal from the shelf in front of a mirror. Pouring
three inches of the brown liquid into a glass, he looked
over at the visitor.
"You've just met The Baby," he said, "more or less."
It was about ten minutes past noon.
Next:
Bit 6
Cynthia never felt at home in the
suburbs.
